No More Reruns 5 Reasons to Rethink Getting Back With Your Ex by Shellie R Warren l Dating Advice l How to Find the One l Relationship Advice l Relationship Tips

5 Reasons to Rethink Getting Back With Your Ex

Before we get into all of this, let me put up a disclaimer. Sometimes relationships do not work, not because two people are not meant for one another, but because the timing is wrong. And as a wise man once said, “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.” And so yes, in some cases, getting back with an ex can be a good thing. Usually that’s the exception and not to rule, though.

If you happen to be someone who is currently contemplating getting back with your ex - or more importantly, you have a habit of going back to your exes, I encourage you to read this article as a bit of “gut check”. It’s always interesting to me that so many folks go by the “follow your heart” adage when the heart tends to tell us to do all kinds of things that aren’t best for us. Eat that last donut. Buy that outfit we can’t afford. And yes, get back with the person who showed us a million reasons why we probably should not have gotten with them in the first place - perhaps that’s why Jeremiah 17:9 speaks of the heart being deceitful and Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our heart.

If you’re on the verge of responding to a late night text or reaching out to an ex on Instagram, check this list, at least twice, and be honest with yourself about if that’s a good idea. Or not.

Did You Go Into It For the Right Reasons?

Sometimes relationships don’t work because we went into them for the wrong reasons to begin with. And honestly, that has nothing to do with the other person. If you got into a relationship with your now ex because all of your friends were in one or you were tired of being single or you don’t know how to be alone, that’s already setting your relationship on the wrong foundation; it’s a recipe for disaster. A whole person plus another whole person equals a whole (and healthy) relationship. Before getting back with an ex or getting with someone new for that matter, think about your reasons for wanting a relationship at all. It will reveal to you if you need to with someone or if you need to spend some quality time - with yourself.

Why Did the Relationship End In The First Place?

The mind is amazing. When we’re lonely or we simply miss someone, it has the tendency to rewind all of the good qualities that our exes had or the good times that were shared. And so, when we’re tempted to reach out to them, it’s because “they gave me that awesome Christmas present that one year” or “we used to like the same movies." Forget the fact that you seemed to argue every other day or they flirted with virtually all of your friends. I once read a quote that said, “Getting back with an ex is like taking a shower and putting old underwear back on.” Gross yet poignant. Recycling is good for the environment. Not always good for you as a person, though. There’s a reason why relationships end. Before getting back with someone, jot down a list of why it didn’t work the first time. Oftentimes that’s a forecast of what’s to come if you get back with them.

Will it Help You to Grow?

I remember going to dinner with one of my exes many years ago and telling him that I was still in love with him. He had a very profound response, “Shellie, you’re not in love with me. You’re in love with the memory of me.” And rarely does it make sense to “live in the past."

Remaining emotionally attached to something or one based on what used to be can hinder your growth as a person and a healthy relationship is to do the opposite. One of my favorite quotes is by Leo Buscaglia, “As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.” If you’re trying to go back to something that will not propel you forward, move away and on from it.

Do You Have Issues With Faith?

Perhaps the biggest reason why so many of us go back to our exes is because they are a tangible reality while “the next person” is oftentimes a concept that has to be rooted in faith. When we’re not currently seeing someone and we really want to, it can be hard to believe that someone far better for us is coming when the time is right. And so, sometimes we lie to ourselves and say that we’d rather be with the familiar instead of believing in the unseen.

If a lack of faith is your reason for getting back with your ex, leave the ex alone, start really believing that you deserve more and then love yourself enough to wait for it. The universe tends to respond and react based on how we feel about ourselves. If your actions show, “I want nothing more than what I’ve already had” - that’s what you’ll tend to get. If your actions indicate, “I’m preparing for something new and better” - with some faith and patience, you’ll be amazed what will arrive.