There are many reasons during a marriage we have a decrease in sex. Raising kids, working, fatigue or other external factors play a role in a sex famine. Most of the time it happens gradually, and before you know it, your spouse seems more like a roommate rather than a partner. Before we know it the passion is gone, and the early days of romance seem like a washed up memory.

But you’re not alone.

USA Today reported that between 20 and 30 percent of men and between 30 (to 50) percent of women have little sex drive. “Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still,” wrote Cornell University psychologist Robert Sternberg. Just because the intimacy is gone doesn’t mean the marriage is over. Passion can be found again.

We need to gain perspective, and work on the marriage. Be proactive, this is not the time to push the issue off. By a new lingerie outfit, try role playing after a date night. You need to be intentional. Make plans for sex on the calendar, yes, plans. Take a day trip, or show up in a sexy outfit when he arrives home.

Another reason we are not enjoying a sex life is that people have different expectations. Communicate these with your partner. Try flirting, it’s fun, and it shows public displays of affection. Hold hands, kiss and hug. Doing this helps those feel-good hormones, research has found. Another way to add a spark is doing something spontaneously like movie night or go for a massage.

Web MD’s Kara Mayer Robinson wrote we need to start dreaming again, and big for a needed jolt. 

“Envision a future together than inspires you. Maybe it's a home bustling with a big family or vacations to new, exotic places. Whatever your dream, you can create a plan now to start making it happen.”

If you feel medication, depression, or stress is making this a chore for you seek a professional for guidance. Talk to your doctor.