Deciding whom you’ll marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make and will affect extensively the whole rest of your life. Given the magnitude of this decision, it’s only natural to want reassurance that what you’re doing is the right thing. The beautiful thing is that God does guide and direct our steps. The Bible tells us, “A person plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). When God wants to, He is capable of revealing exactly when and whom we should marry. While it is true that the Lord directs our steps, every person has to make that call based upon their own communication and relationship with God.
Growing in faith requires that we learn to hear God’s voice. However, it’s normal for our personal desire to cloud our ability to clearly hear God. When it comes to marriage, hearing God is difficult because it involves another person’s will. In time, situations will make it clear whether you indeed heard from God or following through with your own will. When God speaks, His promises come to pass. As you learn to hear God’s voice, it’s normal to think you heard God only to learn that you were mistaken. Once it’s made clear that you made a mistake – and his or her being engaged to another person is a pretty good sign – then it’s time to move on. Holding on to a false hope will only hurt you, and keep you from potential matches that may be in store.
There is also a certain level of danger that comes when using your heart like a compass, pointing it toward this man or that woman and hoping that God gives you a signal to start walking down the aisle. It is wise to seek God’s input as you look for your spouse, but there are a number of things you have to keep in mind.
First, it’s important to recognize that feelings aren’t facts. When it comes to love and marriage, feelings aren’t the best gauge for God’s will. In the biblical accounts where God reveals a specific spouse, there is always something bigger than feelings or emotions used as a confirmation. Abraham’s servant prayed for a sign and saw it. Hosea heard directly from the Lord. Joseph was visited by an angel in a dream. If you feel like God is directing you towards a specific person to marry, turn to God and ask for confirmation that goes beyond a “gut feeling.”
Second, if you want to hear what God is saying to you, study and stay secured to God’s Word. There are many places in the Bible where God gives us guidelines for the kind of person we should yoke our lives to. Rather than treating the will of God like a magic eight ball and hoping to read a “yes,” “no,” or “try again,” listen to God’s voice by reading what He has already spoken.
Finally, you should surrender yourself to God. If, when and whom you will marry are really big questions and the answers are even more significant. Instead of desiring God to make things easy on you and simply give you the name of your future spouse, along with the wedding reservation, it is much wiser to surrender yourself to God and trust His will. You should be seeking His will whether you’re single, engaged or married. Despite popular belief, the hard work isn’t done when you become a Mr. or a Mrs. The goal is to live surrendered to the will of God and committed to His agenda in all seasons of our life.
When we believe that love is a fairy tale, we often forget is that whomever we marry, living out a lifetime commitment of love will be a challenge. One of the Bible’s most romantic live stories is the account of Isaac and Rebekah, found in Genesis 24. They were truly a match made in heaven. But fast-forward about 30 years, the two are now parents of twins boys who despise each other. Isaac loves Esau and Rebekah loves Jacob. We see the two tangled in a web of manipulation, anger and deceit. As you can see, finding “the one” doesn’t guarantee a life-long, stress-free love life. Though they were ordained by God to fall and love and marry, they still dealt with issues like selfishness and bitterness which compromised their love.
Ask yourself if you’re seeking His wisdom. Following God’s leading isn’t always looking for a message in the sky, or waiting for a voice to whisper in your ear what you need to do next. Often, God leads through the wisdom of those He has put in our lives. Listen to the people He has already placed in your life as friends and counselors. Often, they can help you see things that you’re currently blind to.
When it comes to discovering God’s match for you, the best thing you can do is accept what God has for your life. Instead of asking the question, “Is this the one I should marry,” ask yourself if you are in God’s will. There are some things about your life that God has not clearly revealed to you.
But don’t panic or fear. Perhaps, you don’t know who you should marry or if the person you're with is God's match for you and that’s ok. Instead of focusing on what you don’t know, focus on what God has revealed is His will for your life.
