Lifting Up Your Spouse During Hard Times By Ken Meyers

We all have hard times; days where nothing seems to go right. Sometimes it is more than days. It is weeks or years of unemployment or illness or other difficulties that make us feel overwhelmed. As a married couple part of your vows are to stick with your partner through the good and the bad, but being married means more than simply staying together. One of the most important roles of a spouse, husband or wife, is to lift each other up; especially when things are hard.

Here are some things you can do to lift up your partner during a difficult period in their life:

Ken Myers is a father, husband, and entrepreneur. He has combined his passion for helping families find in-home care with his experience to build a business. Learn more about him by visiting @KenneyMyers on Twitter.

Sympathize

Thankfully, there should be many times when you can relate to what your partner is going through. You may have dealt with a similar issue in the past or you may have other experiences that mirror the problem. That does not mean you should tell your partner about your experiences right at that moment. Make sure you know when it is appropriate to share and when it is appropriate to just listen and be there. However if you get the opportunity you can assure them that things will get better. Instead of telling them what to do, share with them what worked for you. They may be able to use the ideas or they may not, the point is that they know you understand where they are coming from and how it feels to be in a similar situation.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV).

Stay Calm

Sometimes when people are upset they can share their feelings in a way that makes us uncomfortable. Perhaps your spouse is typically level headed but due to the problems is ranting angrily at you. Or maybe they never cry and are always strong but are now weeping and sobbing on your shoulder. It is hard to see the ones we love suffering and it is sometimes scary. However the best thing you can do for them is to stay calm. Do not let their emotions overwhelm you. Instead, be a stable influence in their lives. Allow them to share their pain with you without getting upset or allowing it to change your attitude. Be patient and loving.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV).“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV).

Cheer Up

If it is not the crisis of a moment, for example long-term unemployment, then you have to do more than simply listen. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick...” Proverbs 13:2 (NIV).

If you can, try to cheer up your spouse. This does not mean the same thing for every individual. While some people can be cheered by watching a funny movie, others need quiet and peaceful moments in nature or social activities with beloved friends. It all depends on the kind of person your spouse is and what lifts them up. Remember that cheering up is a temporary fix. It will not ‘cure’ your spouse, but it can help to make the burden lighter.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 (NIV).

Help Out

Another thing you can do to help your spouse is to help your spouse. Make their load lighter in small ways unrelated to the major hardship. Many times we can’t do anything to help the real problem, but we can do other small things that grind away at someone who is hurting. Doing the dishes, keeping the house clean, filling up the gas tank, bringing home dinner or giving your spouse a massage are small things that make a big impact. If you know your spouse is dreading a task or is preparing for a difficult day you can make it easier. Make them a cup of coffee, buy them flowers or just tell them how much you love them. Believe it or not little things can make a big difference.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV).

Be There and Pray

Last but not least, simply be there for your spouse. Your steadfastness and comforting presence will do more for them than all the advice or gifts in the world could do. Remind your spouse how much you love them and assure them that you will be there for them through thick and thin. Pray with your spouse. Together go to the Lord with your problem.

“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:19-20(ESV).

If you don’t know how to pray or what to pray for even, don’t be dismayed. “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8: 26-27 (NIV).