Most women spend their youth imagining their wedding day and their knight in shining armor. However, some girls focus on their career instead of their married life. They believe they’ll lose themselves in the humdrum of housework, children, and chores. They may have watched their mothers endure the same struggle and decide that they want more from their lives.

There may also be some women who were the product of a divorce and are afraid of abandonment, rejection, and insecurity. However, you may come across a pure soul you can’t live without. Eventually, you’ll find yourself living the mundane life of marriage, taking care of kids, and doing housework. However, after some time, you may ask yourself, how can you be a better wife? What kind of wife does God want me to be?

Marriage represents God and the church.

God created marriage to represent His love for the church and Himself. For example, in Ephesians, the apostle Paul shared the reality of marriage; the church will join with Christ in a divine union. As the groom, Christ will prepare His bride for the wedding in Ephesians 5:25-33. Long story short, marriage embodies the relationship between Christ and His followers.

We should also take Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 into consideration. This verse reads,  “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their hard work. For if one of them falls, the other can help his partner up. But what will happen to the one who falls with no one to help him up? Moreover, if two lie down together, they will stay warm, but how can just one keep warm? And someone may overpower one alone, but two together can take a stand against him. And a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn apart.”

This verse implies that a twofold cord may break. However, a braided three-strand rope would be harder to break. The reason God created marriage and the reason we choose to get married is led by love. Love is a strong emotion because God is love. Here are some ways to be an encouraging and better wife.

Take care of yourself.

While our bodies were created to add and shed pounds while bringing new life into the world, our minds were made to wonder and cherish life and give new perspectives. As a wife, your arms were meant to hold your husband. In the early stages of motherhood, you’ll have days where you forget to eat or take a shower, which is okay.

However, this behavior could lead to burnout and exhaustion, which isn’t suitable for anyone. Remind yourself that you were a person before motherhood. While you’re going through dirty diapers and dishes, you may be desperate to find your old self and cry out to God for help. At that moment, He can remind you of things that get you back to the old you; your old hobbies, and introduce you to new ones.

The Bible reminds us that God lives in us and wants the best for us, which we’re reminded of in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. It can be easy to overlook self-care as a wife because you’re so focused on your husband and family. Your man likely fell for you because of the spark he saw when you were dating and doing the things you love.

You were God’s daughter with a calling before you became a wife and mother. If you’re burned out, lacking joy, or anything else, remember who you were before you married and find a way to make time for yourself.

Share your needs with your husband.

Unfortunately, your husband can’t finish your sentences or read your mind. It’s the last thing he’s expecting when he gets home from work. It would be best not to use passive-aggressiveness either. If you have a need, you should vocalize it. It’s as simple as talking and explaining why you feel the way you do. Your husband may never see things from your perspective if you don’t speak to him about it.

Spending quality time together won’t happen if you continuously give him the cold shoulder and expect him to know what we want. The Bible has plenty of reminders of how much communication matters, like in Galatians 6:2.

Do what your husband likes.

Seeing your husband off on his fishing or golfing adventures is one thing. On the other hand, it’s an entirely different experience to do it with him. You may not realize it, but they like it when you join them. Women want face-to-face time, but shoulder-to-shoulder time can turn into face-to-face time. Spending time with your man while he’s doing his favorite things reminds him that you like spending time with him. You could sit with him while he works in the garage or cheer him on from his golf cart.

Don’t bash your man.

It doesn’t take much effort to fly off at the mouth when your husband did or said something off the cuff. Before you realize it, you’re finding reasons to be mad with him. In a world that loves man-bashing, your husband needs your affirmations now more than ever. So try to avoid saying that he babysits the kids or how you count him as one of your children. The most crucial role as a wife is to guard your husband’s self-esteem.

You know what they say, “You find what you look for." You will find the negative if you’re always looking for the negative, but if you’re looking for the positive, you will find it. You can’t have a positive life with a negative mind.

The key to being an encouraging wife is not letting yourself fall by the wayside. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else. If you’re tired and burnt out, everyone in your household will suffer, but more importantly you. Take the time to remember who you were before marriage and kids, and try your best not to bash your husband.