6 Ways Your Unrealistic Expectations Hurt Your Husband

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Your expectations more than anything else in life determine your reality. When it comes to achieving your goals, if you don’t believe you’ll succeed, you won’t. The same goes for your relationships. The tricky thing about expectations is that they impact other people too, particularly our significant others. Indeed, we get the most out of other people when we believe in them. Letting doubts cloud your belief in someone practically ensures their failure. Your expectations shape your reality. They can change your life, emotionally and physically. So what happens when your expectations are unrealistic in your marriage? It is extremely difficult for a husband to compete with expectations that are out of his reach to fulfill. Although he may try, eventually he will come to the realization that he is no match to his wife’s expectations. This leads to feelings of failure and distance in your marriage. Ultimately, he may feel like he’ll never be able to measure up. Here are six ways your unrealistic expectations hurt your husband.

They Destroy His Confidence

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Unrealistic expectations can destroy your husband’s confidence. Although men tend to be stronger physically, women have the advantage when it comes to verbal acumen. Women are talkers and have learned how to use words for the most effectiveness. In the heat of an argument, women are adept at brandishing the sharpest words in order to shame, demean and belittle their man. Words are like toothpaste. Once they are out, there is no getting them back in. Regardless of how sorry you are afterward, the damage has been done. All the sorries in the world will never take back the string of your angry words, once you have unleashed them on your husband. When your husband isn’t meeting your expectations, rather than use your words as a weapon, use them as a healing balm to comfort, encourage and uplift your husband.

They Kill His Communication

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You may think your husband can read your mind or understands what you’re trying to say, but he can’t. You can’t expect people to understand you just because you’re talking – you have to be clear. Whether you’re asking someone to do someone without providing the context or explaining a complex concept behind a big project, it’s easy to leave out relevant information because you don’t think it’s necessary. Communication isn’t anything if it isn’t clear, and your communication won’t be clear until you take the time to understand the other person’s perspective. Your unrealistic expectations have the power to kill his communication. If a man feels like he is unable to fulfill his wife’s expectations, one of the first things to go will be his communication.

They Wound His Heart

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Do you constantly communicate your unmet expectations to your husband, without ever saying thank you for all the ways your husband does meet your needs? How a wife communicates her expectations to her husband have the power to break him down and create wounds. When your husband feels wounded, whether intentionally or unintentionally, he will place a wall around his heart and shut down. He may be embarrassed or misunderstood and may close himself off from you. It’s important that we reframe our situation to find gratitude and thankfulness for the husband God has given us. It’s also important that we acknowledge our partners for the good that they are doing. While he may not be satisfying one particular need at the moment, he may be satisfying another.

They Undermine His Effort

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If you’re constantly criticizing your husband, good luck seeing any change. No one thrives under constant criticism, especially a man. If he feels defeated by the reality of your expectations, he may stop trying. Making digs and sarcasm can also be major blows to your husbands. Joking around can be a positive interaction that creates closeness between a couple. This is most apparent when both partners have similar senses of humor. Alternatively, one spouse uses joking as a way to hide or deflect hostility toward the other. The sort of “joking” and sarcasm slowly erodes as time goes on and can even become toxic. This behavior is often the result of underlying or repressed anger and it does not get expressed directly or constructively.

They Deflate His Courage

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The fear of failure is real when it comes to marriage, especially when they feel like they’re no longer meeting their wife’s needs. This may increase his fear of making matters worse which ultimately deflates his courage. One major fear that can capsize your marriage stems from the belief that failure is inevitable, or that you don’t measure up. The good news is that these fears don’t have to sabotage your relationship. You can first empower yourself by identifying your reservations – and their associated thought and behaviors. From there, you can bring an increased level of mindfulness into your life and begin to shift your habits.

They Hurt His Faith

A husband who feels like he’s unable to meet his wife’s expectations may begin to feel more disconnected from his faith. The more she expresses her frustration with his lack of spiritual leadership in the home, the less motivated he will be to lead in that area. In situations where we feel like our expectations are being unfilled, we must recognize that God, not our husbands, is the one to handle our expectations. The Bible reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6). We also must recognize that God is the one with the power to do something about them.