Every relationship has its highs and lows, good days and bad days but what if you sense your relationship has fizzled out? When a relationship goes cold, it is a big indicator that you’re in a loveless marriage. Saving a loveless marriage can be extremely difficult, especially when your relationship has been in trouble for a long time. If you’re trying to figure out whether you should be trying to fix your marriages or not, one of the first questions you need to ask yourself is: Do I want to save this relationship or do I want to leave it? Here are eight signs you’re in a loveless marriage.

You stop communicating your concerns.

Communication is key in ever marriage. One of the biggest signs of a loveless marriage is when you and your spouse stop communicating your concerns with one another. If your relationship has gone cold, it’s important to confront the underlying issues that brought the relationship to the place it’s in. There could be a number of factors interfering with passion in your relationship: medication, stress and financial issues are just a few. If there is something that’s interfering in your marriage, it’s time to have a talk with your partner. Voice your concerns and listen to your partners concerns as well. Open communication is a huge step towards bringing your relationship out of the pit.

There is no spark.

While many couples get caught in the same old routines, love can still be very present. A big sign that love is missing from your marriage is when there is no spark anymore. You don’t feel anything for each other, you may even think negatively of each other. If you’re caught in a daily routine with your romantic partner, it’s easy for things to get stagnant and when boredom ensues, it can manifest itself in every area of the relationship including intimacy. One way to bring passion back is by switching up your everyday routine and creating fresh experiences. Go out. Go to places you’ve never been before. Surprise your significant other with a night out somewhere special. Going the extra mile can go a long way and is just the newness you may need to get things back on track.

You withhold affection.

Withholding affection can cause irreparable damage in a relationship. Whether affection means being really touchy-feely, asking each other intense questions about meaningful things, or helping each other through obstacles, being absent and unaffectionate hurts the person you’re with and can really hurt your relationship. If there’s an intentional lack or even absence of affection, then it can cause serious doubts to show up in the relationship that are big enough to devastate it. If either of you is doing this to the other, it’s important that you get to the heart of the issue. You and the person you’re with should always feel loved, valued and appreciated.

You are condescending.

Do you talk down to your partner, make them feel like you’re more intelligent them or make them feel like they’re naive, ignorant or gullible? These are all sign of condescension. This is a major sign that love is missing from your marriage. It is also a sign of a major insecurity in your relationship that needs to be dealt with. Talking down to your partner is just another way of making yourself feel bigger or more powerful than them. A power imbalance is not a part of a lasting, healthy relationship. If you or your partner is doing this, it’s time to go to the heart of why it’s happening.

 

Only staying because it’s convenient.

Staying in a marriage only because it’s convenient is a major sign that love is missing. Good marriages always have a level of convenience, in that they aren’t disruptive to your everyday life, but convenience becomes very problematic when the relationship has no sparks whatsoever. At this point, you don’t think of love anymore, just the benefits. Whether it’s because you don’t want to disappoint your family with a breakup or because you have a big trip planned in the next few months, staying together just because you feel you should only leads to bitter resentment and an excessive amount of fighting and heartbreak, when there was a chance you might’ve been able to remain friendly.

Always using defense mechanisms. 

Another big reason some marriages are loveless is because one or both partners don’t know exactly how to cope with their feelings. When we most need to connect, we’re apt to feel vulnerable and withdraw or put up a wall that goes where we go. As a result of this, defense mechanisms will show up in the relationship. Defense mechanisms are manners in which we behave or think in certain ways to better protect or defend ourselves. They are one way of looking at how people distance themselves from a full awareness of unpleasant thoughts, feelings and behaviors. In short, these are ways of keeping ourselves protected from getting hurt. Unfortunately, while trying to protect our heart, we push away love.

Your relationship lacks intimacy.

Many people automatically think there are issues in the marriage when you’re no longer being physically intimate with each other, but it can be more than the absence of sex. Not wanting to be close to your partner or show signs of affection is a big sign that you’re in a loveless marriage. If physical affection has declined in your relationship, it’s unrealistic to think you can automatically jump back to the way things were. However, it’s important to reestablish it. A lack of intimacy in a relationship, whether physical or emotional, is not only frustrating but also unhealthy. This requires you to let down your walls and let your partner in, in ways you may be afraid to. This is a gradual process which often starts by reestablishing trust. The more you build on it, the stronger the relationship will be.

Refusing to let go of the past.

Many marriages stay loveless because one or more parties in the relationship refuse to let go of the past and ultimately end up holding on to the hurt. Hanging on to old grievances is part of the intent to protect. Often, we will blame our partner for our pain rather than taking responsibility for whatever choices we made that resulted in our unhappiness. But continuing to hold on to the past pain will drain you of energy, take over your thoughts and prevent you from moving forward. Letting go of your past hurt is vital in moving forward in your relationship and in life. This often begins with forgiveness. Offering forgiveness can help you let go of past hurt. When you forgive someone, it’s about releasing yourself from the pain someone else caused you.

These things might not seem too big in the very beginning but the longer they are present, they more they damage your marriage. Committing these offenses not only signal a loveless relationship, but also are especially harmful to the well-being of those involved. These seven things truly have the power to implode your relationship. If your marriage is worth fixing, it’s important that you deal with these things with all that you have.