Marriage is a beautiful union between two people. When you got down on one knee to ask your wife for her hand in marriage, you were probably full of love and happiness. Every marriage starts off with an incredible high. However over time, the intense love you share for each other can get distracted by the business of life. By getting too comfortable in your marriage, you might stop doing things to show your wife how much you truly love and appreciate her. Here are some signs you are making your wife feel unloved and unseen, even if you didn't mean to.
By not listening to her.
Women like to talk face to face and feel emotionally connected with who they are conversing with. This is hard to do when you are distracted by video games, your iPhone or the TV. Sit down with your wife each day, even if it's only for 15 minutes, and ask her about her day. Comfort her as she vents about the crappy day she had at work, or celebrate with her if she has exciting news to share. By looking her in the eye and hearing what she has to say, you are showing that you want to know her on a deeper emotional level. This also leaves the door open for her to bring up any problems she may have with the relationship, because she feels you are truly open to hearing what she has to talk about in a safe environment without distractions.
By not praying with her.
Women not only want emotional intimacy, they want spiritual intimacy too. Your wife sees you as a leader of the family, and wants to be connected with you and the Lord to help you in that role. Prayer time doesn't mean you have to share each other’s pray requests (though that is great too), but it can also just be the two of you praying silently next to each other. Whatever makes you feel comfortable is a great place to start. In addition, doing devotionals or going to church together can further strengthen your marriage.
By refusing to help around the house.
Look your wife gets it that you work long and hard hours to help contribute finances to the household. However that doesn't give you an excuse to not help out at home. Women are human too, and working all day while also being expected to clean, do the laundry, take care of the kids and cook is incredibly daunting. It takes so much energy out of your wife. Showing you can take a few things off her plate, even if it's as simple as taking the trash out or putting the kids to bed, shows that you respect her time.
By rejecting her affection.
One way to push your wife away is by not reciprocating her affection. Even if it's as simple as not giving her a kiss before you leave for work, it can really add up to hurting your wife's self-confidence. You have to make an effort to cuddle up and kiss your wife from time to time. Even if she has done something to hurt you, don't be petty and "withhold" affection as punishment. Be willing and ready to talk about your feelings instead.
By working overtime.
Your wife appreciates all you do to bring money home, but when your work is too high on your priority list she may start to feel unloved. Your wife measures love by the time you spend with her and talk to her. When you are work for over 10 hours a day and come home feeling beaten and unwilling to socialize, you are telling your wife "you are not as important right now." It can leave her feeling abandoned, bored and alone.
By ignoring her when she’s upset.
Some men think that women need space when they are mad or upset. While that may be true for some, for many they also want to be reminded that you love and care for them. When your wife storms out of the room, it may be because she is feeling unheard and unloved. By following her and calmly trying to work things out, you are showing you want to put in an effort in fixing the problem.
How to show love.
Ephesians 5:28-29 reminds us that a husband should care for his wife with the same intensity he nourishes his own body. To nourish is a behavior, so husbands must spend time every day doing things that help a wife feel loved. Like the apostle John explains, "Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions" (1 John 3:18). Instead of only telling your wife that you love her, your job is to learn how to love her with your actions. To do this successfully, you must take on a servant's mindset. Nourishing means seeking to put her needs before your own (Philippians 2:3-4).
Next, figure out which specific actions help your wife feel loved. Don't make an educated guess or treat her the way you would like her to treat you. This is one of the only times where the golden rule doesn't apply. Your guess may be different from what your wife actually needs or wants. You may feel love when your wife buys you new presents, but she may want to receive love by having quality time with you. The best way to do this is to have your wife complete this statement: "I feel loved when you do X" From here, you can start making a conscious effort to show your life how much you really care.
