Relationships Last When Partners Do These 7 Things

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So you did it. You found the one. After years of searching, after hundreds of dates, you’ve finally found true love.

Now you’ve just got to make it last.

Every relationship has a honeymoon phase—that period of intense emotional and physical attraction, euphoria, and ecstasy that make the first years of a relationship feel like the sweetest dream.

But according to a study at New York University, researchers found that this phase wears off after about 30 months. The rose-colored glasses come off, and partners begin to truly see one another, flaws and all, for the first time.

Disagreements arise. Fights begin over trivial issues. And if couples aren’t prepared, this can cause great strife, and even bring an end to what was once a beautiful love.

But rather than an ending, the cessation of the honeymoon phase is a beginning. It is the transition from mercurial attraction to stable, long-lasting love of the storybooks. No longer are you driven to love your partner; you choose to intentionally love him or her.

That intentionality takes work, and so to help you prepare for a lifetime of love, let’s take a look at 7 things that partners can do that make relationships last.

Be Grateful

Taking the time to feel gratitude helps us to recognize our partner's value, and that which we value, we hold onto.

Feelings of gratitude are strongly associated with a psychological motivation to maintain our long-term relationships, and promote behaviors that help those relationships flourish. A grateful partner, for instance, is likely to be more thoughtful, responsive, and supportive to their loved one.

How, you might ask, can you foster gratefulness within yourself? The answer is simple: focus on the positive aspects of your partner rather than what they’re doing wrong. Dwell on these positives, and the emotions associated with gratefulness will come naturally.

This works best if you direct your gratitude toward your partner rather than their actions. For instance, if your husband is a great cook, tell him, “You’re a wonderful cook, and you’re kind to make me dinner,” rather than a simple, “Thanks for the food.”

Actively making sure that your partner feels as valuable as they are makes for a wonderful long-term relationship. Practice it.

Be Playful

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Come on. Admit it. You know you like to have fun. And, believe it or not, so does your partner.

Creative playfulness is often the first thing that disappears from a relationship once the honeymoon phase ends, and day-to-day business begins. Life becomes a monotonous assembly line of getting up, working, eating, cleaning, and going to sleep. This sort of lifestyle makes for a decidedly dead relationship.

Bring it back to life through play! Joke around. Be silly. Tell that stupid joke about toilets that makes you laugh to yourself when you’re alone.

Because it might just save your relationship.

Studies have found that couples who habitually make light of conflict rather than always discussing problems in a logical and direct way are happier, and are often able to peacefully resolve issues.

Playfulness isn’t just for fun—it can be used to handle the hardest moments in life. Even something as small as using a silly nickname—in a non-hostile way—during a confrontation can remind couples to smile at one another’s weirdness instead of fighting about them.

Couples who maintain their sense of humor are more resilient than those who try to plaster on tough facades. Don’t be afraid to make your relationship bulletproof with a splash of humor.

Be Positive

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Positive people are lighthouses in the hurricane that life often is. We’re drawn to them, and they show us just how good things can be if we just keep going a little farther.

They’re easy to love, and, possibly, to spend a lifetime with. Become a lighthouse for your partner, and they’ll want to stay close.

Anyone can become more positive—even the worst of pessimists. You merely have to be open to change.

A positive outlook best begins by believing in yourself, and in your relationship with your partner. Focus on the fact that you both deserve one another’s love and support. Focus on what you love about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Dwell on these things. Write them down. Wrap them around your very being like a comfortable blanket.

Next, take the time to identify the negative feelings you have for your partner, and address them with constructive conversation—and a little humor, of course. Negative feelings help no one, and holding on to them, consciously or subconsciously, is harmful to the health of your relationship.

Once you begin to become aware of, and drop, these negative feelings, your positivity will thrive. Once it does, you’ll go past gratefulness and move on to joy—joy and the belief that your relationship is inherently good.

Your partner will notice.

Make the choice to be positive, and revel in the mutual, long-term happiness that will come with it.

Be Good to Yourself

You might think that an article on relationship advice might ask you to focus only on taking care of your partner. Not so—investing in yourself is one of the best ways to keep a relationship strong for life.

Susan Biali, author of “Your Prescription for Life,” prescribes the act of caring for oneself when tough times arise in relationships. She advises partners to “Forget about what the other person is doing badly, or isn’t doing, and focus on taking positive action in your own life instead.”

In other words, stop thinking of your relationship as the sole source of happiness in your life. This mindset places enormous pressure on relationships. The idea that a romantic partner should be everything to their lover is, to put it mildly, a lie.

Instead, remember to take the time to care for yourself. Engage in your favorite hobby or learn a new skill. Take care of your finances. Exercise and attend to your diet. Above all, just get in touch with who you are. This takes pressure off of your relationship, and, more importantly, off of your partner.

Your partner, in turn, will begin to see you differently, and will find themselves attracted to your increased confidence, energy, and positivity.

If you want your relationship to last, care for yourself. If you don’t love yourself first, it’s all the harder for others to maintain their love for you.

Be Aware

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Once the euphoria of those first 30-or-so months wears off, we sometimes become less aware of our partners—they become just another piece of the background.

But if you want your relationship to last for decades, intentionally notice your loved one.

The problem lies in the fact that once we think we know our partners so well that we no longer pay attention, they stop being seen.

And that hurts.

Take the time to notice. Looks for things that have changed in your partner. Foster an attitude of mindful awareness about these things, and don’t let up.

This will increase one incredibly important element with your partner—engagement. When we engage with the ones we love, we love one another all the more. Don’t let that new shirt, that change in hairstyle, that shift in political beliefs, or that victory over the household ants go unnoticed. Remain aware, and stay engaged.

Once you start paying attention again, you’ll soon find yourself fascinated with the changing, growing, ever-evolving nature of your lovely partner.

Be Affirming

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How couples behave during the best of times is just as important as how they behave during the worst.

Partners who react with enthusiasm and engagement to one another’s victories by asking questions, praising and cheering, and being obviously interested, report great relationship satisfaction.

When something good happens to the one you love, make the most of it. It doesn’t have to be a major life event like a promotion or anniversary or the completion of a creative project. Celebrate the small things, too.

Beyond celebrating successes, celebrate your partner. Tell them not only that you love them, but why you love them. Remind them of how beautiful they are. Tell them you believe in them—and mean it. Let them know you’ve missed them when they return after an absence.

Words and actions that affirm your partner fulfill the very human need to be valued and validated. When we meet our partner's needs—particularly this one—we lay the foundation for relationships that will last a lifetime.

Be Communicative

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Lastly, we mustn’t forget the power of simple communication. It is the foundation for nearly every relationship-saving technique, and the bedrock of the longest-lasting loves.

Every relationship will be set upon by problems—this doesn’t ever stop. It is how these problems are resolved, and whether couples are willing to dialogue and thus, reach mutually-beneficial resolutions that determines whether a relationship can weather the years. Effective communication allows couples to sort out problems and express their love for one another—preferably at the same time.

So be honest with your partner concerning your weaknesses, concerns, and praise. Don’t keep secrets. This only hurts relationships.

Rather, be free with your words, and let your partner in on your thoughts, feelings, and aspirations. Tell them when you’ve made a mistake. Tell them when you’ve achieved something great. Tell them when you’re concerned about their actions. Whatever it is, just tell them. Lovingly. With humor. With positivity.

Stay willing to communicate, and lace your words with what you’ve learned today. You’ll build the castle of your love on stone rather than on sand.