Heresy
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in
God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A
Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said,
"Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I
said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said,
"Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal
Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern
Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative
Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
"Northern Conservative, Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879,
or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He
said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of
1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
- Emo Phillips
