Most relationship problems stem from a deep rooted seed of insecurity that lays dormant for a while but eventually under the right circumstance will rear its ugly head. Dating is already complicated but compound that with self-doubt and you may have a relational time bomb on your hands. We all want to have special relationships with others that offer love, support, and a safe place to be our true selves. In order for a relationship to develop and foster the kind of transparent intimacy needed to grow healthy and strong, you will have to overcome succumbing to insecure behavior. Good relationships will take work, but they will also cause you to grow if you can get past personal speed bumps.

So what causes the stronghold of insecurity to gain power over us? The number one answer is our past. A history of wrong dating choices invites insecurity. If you were ever in a manipulative relationship, where the person lied or cheated on you then it will cause a hurt that will need to be fully healed before you can fully let someone else in. People who are made to feel responsible for their partner’s mistreatment will produce a slow death to their own self-worth and value. In the struggle against insecurity, the victory will be won or lost in your ability to break out of the prison of your past. Not doing so, will drive others away because you will become either too clingy or too withdrawn to build a healthy bond. Stop using the overgeneralizations like, “All men only want one thing,” or “most women are materialistic.” Letting these pile up in your thought life will cause you to shun even good people that are genuine. Take the risk of getting to know people, even if it means occasionally getting hurt. 

Examine your desires for deficiencies like neediness, selfishness, and an inordinate longing to be loved. Start becoming intimately familiar with the truth about who you are. Discover yourself. This is the best defense against insecurity’s lies. Resolve past issues, hurts, and resentments. If a past relationship left you wounded, be careful not to see every other relationship through the lens of that pain. Finally, relax and be okay with uncertainty. Every relationship may not lead to marriage, but we certainly shouldn’t make a habit of ruining relationships for fear of rejection. As you become more aware of your own worth it will allow you to identify the value in others and you will begin to see that you truly deserve the happiness you may have been pushing away.