5 Biggest Surprises about Aging

Here’s a Well-Kept Secret

If you are like most of us, you have plenty of negative expectations about aging. But here’s a well-kept secret: there are plenty of surprises, too—many of them positive. Here are 5 of the biggest surprises about aging waiting for you as you transit to the wild side of midlife.

Carol Orsborn, Ph.D. is Founder of FierceWithAge, the Digest of Boomer Wisdom, Inspiration and Spirituality. Dr. Orsborn, who earned her doctorate in religion from Vanderbilt University, is the best-selling author of 21 books including her newest book: Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn. (Spring 2013) Dr. Orsborn is a sought after speaker/retreat leader and spiritual director.

You Are Still You

It may be true that when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, you think at first you’re looking at your grandma or pop. That’s not the surprise. The real surprise here is who is it that is registering the shock? You, of course—the same you that has witnessed every life stage through which you’ve transited. While you probably don’t remember how “you” felt when you took your first baby step, you may well remember witnessing your transition through adulthood, graduating from school and becoming a parent.

Some of what you’ve experienced over the years has registered as positive, some challenging. But one of the biggest surprises of growing older is that regardless of how you look in the mirror at any given time--and the circumstances with which you are faced--there is a “You” who is fully present, consistent and trustworthy, who is both ageless and timeless. The biggest surprise of aging? You are still you.

You Can Be Unreasonably Happy

One of the logical expectations about aging is that the older we get, the unhappier we become. After all, we can expect to be increasingly dealing with marginalization, physical diminishment and loss. However, researchers consistently find otherwise: that as a group, the older we get, the happier we become.

How can this be? When we are young, happiness is often tied into experiences of attainment and affirmation by others. As we age, we have the opportunity to develop an inner life that is not dependent on factors external to ourselves. We may find happiness in surrender and acceptance; joy in giving up old ways of being and discovering new sources of love, peace and happiness.

New Capabilities Pop Up

You may not be able (or want ) to run a marathon or plant a vineyard any more, but here’s a wonderful surprise. As old abilities and ambitions recede, new capabilities arise that can more than compensate for the loss.

These new capabilities may be concrete and specific, such as finally having the time and energy to learn to play a musical instrument or master a foreign language. But they also may be internal capabilities every bit as tangible as that which is passing away. Someone who has worried about things in the past, may find themselves becoming less reactive to life’s circumstances. Someone who has been a high-achiever may discover an enhanced capacity to stop and smell the roses.

You Get the Answers You’ve Been Seeking

All your life, you have had questions about meaning and purpose. While you have learned much about yourself, others and life along the way, some of the answers have eluded you. But just when you become old and wise enough to embrace the mystery, surprise! Many of the answers you’ve been seeking become crystal clear to you.

With wisdom comes expanded perspective, increased access to intuition and intimacy with the divine. Suddenly, without knowing how or when, you know things. You understand why in the past, certain doors closed to you, while others opened. You are better able than ever to discriminate about what matters most. You know how to forgive as well as how to better draw boundaries. Who ever thought that aging, along with all the negative expectations our society holds about growing older, would turn out to be not the obstacle—but the means—towards fulfilling your search for answers?