7 Spiritual Truths about Aging

The First Truth

The less of whom we think we used to be, the more room there is for God.

Do you ever have the feeling that you used to be somebody—and now you’re not anymore? As we leave old jobs, roles and communities, it is natural to mourn the losses. Of course, something new and potentially even greater than our old personas will eventually kick in. But in the midst of transition, we may go through a period of feeling lost, displaced or empty. This period is a test of your faith. Trust that it is the very stripping away of illusions that opens up new space in our ordinary lives for an expanded awareness of presence of the divine.

Carol Orsborn, Ph.D. is Founder of FierceWithAge, the Digest of Boomer Wisdom, Inspiration and Spirituality. Dr. Orsborn, who earned her doctorate in religion from Vanderbilt University, is the best-selling author of 21 books including her newest book: Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn. (Spring 2013) Dr. Orsborn is a sought after speaker/retreat leader and spiritual director.

The Third Truth

When we are doing God’s work, we are not the judge of our success.

Growing up, many of were taught the popular notion: “follow your heart and you will be rewarded.” Many of us assumed that this would mean that if we pay heed to our deepest impulses, success would come in the form of high praise and monetary recognition. While experience shows us that sometimes paying attention to our callings do bring about material rewards, this is not always the case. In fact, the prophets of Biblical times provide a very different understanding of what it means to be doing God’s work. Those of us who answer the prophetic call may often find ourselves bucking the status quo, rather than being praised by it. We may wonder if the sacrifice is worth it and what it all means. This Third Truth of Aging asks us to walk the radical path of righteousness, regardless of the consequences. Doing what we know we are being called to do is just half the truth, however. The second sometimes even harder half is refraining from judging our results by society’s standards.

The Fourth Truth

Regret is God calling us to forgive more and love with fewer conditions.

It is natural to hold onto regrets, replaying old incidents over and over again in our minds as if such demonstrations are indicative of the seriousness of our desire to make amends. This is a trap, however. We cannot change the past and wishing it were possible does not make us any more spiritual or worthy. As the 12 Step programs teach, of course we should make amends for what we can; accept what we can’t, and make the effort to discern the difference. Sometimes the only amends that are possible are to forgive more and love with few conditions. This doesn’t not only apply to others, however, but also to ourselves.

The Fifth Truth

We can dance with rather than struggle against the essence of who we are.

Many of us spend our entire lives trying to improve ourselves. We have all received negative feedback for qualities and characteristics that are part of our authentic selves, and so, in an attempt to alleviate the pain, we start pretending to be something other than who we really are. As we age, we have the opportunity to retrieve these lost part of ourselves. We can embrace our essence and replace judgment with self-love. Of course, we can still make wise choices about how, where and with whom we share our authentic selves, but we will do so out of strength rather than out of shame. Life regains a joyful, playful cadence as we learn to dance with rather than struggle against our real thoughts, feelings and actions.

The Sixth Truth

The gift of longevity provides ample opportunity to not only grow old, but to grow whole.

When we are younger, denial is a necessary part of survival. When we are building our careers and families, we rely on a very small slice of the human potential: the ability to strive for goals, trying to make things happen. But as we age beyond the heat of midlife, we discover that the wholeness for which we yearn requires more of us than we’d previously understood. We who grasp the opportunities age brings our way find the courage to both confront and accept the shadow as well as the light side of both ourselves and life. The surprise is that despite the willing ascent to pain, embracing the broader spectrum of the full human potential will be worth it. In words inspired by Nietzsche: “To grow wise you must first learn to listen to the wild dogs barking in your cellar.”

The Seventh Truth

When confronted with ultimate concerns, we can be more curious than afraid.

We all hope for a sense of mastery in our lives. But when it comes to issues associated with aging, including loss, illness and mortality, we come to realize that our belief that we in control of life is largely an illusion. At that point, we have a choice. We can, as many do, retreat into dread and fear of aging and all it entails. Or, alternately, we can join with the mystics of many religions and traditions who turn towards rather than away from the mystery. The truth is, we can’t know what the future holds for us. We can, however, adopt the stance of being more curious than afraid. The last and most important of all the graces is something that no one can ever take from us: our capacity to hope.