Getting Over Regret: 7 Journaling Exercises

Past Mistakes

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression.” –Swami Sivananda

As we get older, it is tempting to re-run the various ways life has fallen short of expectations. Sometimes we feel let down by things that have happened to us. Often, we have remorse about our own omissions, commissions and shortcomings. Whatever the cause of our regret, many spiritual traditions teach us that despite our best intentions, holding onto the past prevents us from living the fullness of the present moment. In the words of author Joan Chittister: “One of the gifts of aging is to become comfortable with the self we are, rather than to mourn what we are not.” This is wise and important advice for us all—but easier said than done. Following are 7 journaling exercises that can help you make peace with the past and embrace who you are in the present moment.

Carol Orsborn, Ph.D. is Founder of FierceWithAge, the Digest of Boomer Wisdom, Inspiration and Spirituality. Dr. Orsborn, who earned her doctorate in religion from Vanderbilt University, is the best-selling author of 21 books including her newest book: Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn. (Spring 2013) Dr. Orsborn is a sought after speaker/retreat leader and spiritual director.

Celebrate Imperfection

People keep diaries for many reasons. Some do it to express gratitude, others want to remember lessons learned during the day. But many of us use journaling to record and process regrets. Whether you are a lifelong diarist or just starting to keep a journal for the first time, here’s a radical exercise to help you get out of the regret trap. Tear a page out of your journal. If your journal is brand new, let it be the very first page. Don’t tear it out neatly. Let the ragged edges show. This is a challenging, sometimes painful, exercise for many of us. But it will serve as an on-going message to your subconscious mind that when it comes to dwelling negatively on your own as well as life’s imperfections, you are truly ready to turn to a new page. (Don’t throw the torn out page away quite yet, by the way. You’ll need it later.)

Make a Do-To List

Make a master list of every regret that crosses your mind. What have you done to yourself or to others that you wish you could take back? What have others done to you? What other disappointments or just plain bad luck has life brought your way? When you’ve recorded everything you can possibly think of, go through the list again. This time, cross off every item for which you’ve already made amends and every item you can no longer do anything about. What you will be left with is a to-do list that you can still address. Time to stop writing, thinking and brooding about your to-do list. Close your journal and do what you can to make amends, fix the situation, apologize and/or forgive. As for the crossed-out items, read on.

Cathartic Release

Take a look at your master list of regrets and pick whichever of the crossed-out items is most demanding of your attention right now. Remember the page you tore out of your journal? On it, write a letter titled “Dear Regret”. Allow yourself to vent your emotions as fully as possible through the written word. If you’re angry, say so. If you’ve been hurt or wounded, don’t spare any details. If you can cry about it, let your tears fall onto the page and let the ink run in rivulets. When you know you’re done, take the torn page and let it go. Crumple it into a ball, flush it down the toilet or burn it. As you do, say these words: “I release the past and make space for new and better things to come into my life.” This exercise can be repeated until you’ve let go of every crossed-out item on your master list.