10 Tips for Setting Strong Boundaries and Saying No

Boundaries are vital for healthy relationships and a healthy life. “A boundary is a limit we set for ourselves in relation to others,” said Joyce Marter, LCPC, a psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance, a counseling practice in the Chicago Area.

There are many types of boundaries, including physical, sexual, financial, professional and emotional, she said. Many of us are uncomfortable with creating boundaries because we worry that doing so is selfish or rude. Or we might not know where to start, because we simply weren’t taught to set boundaries. Thankfully, this is a skill we can learn. Here are 10 tips for setting and maintaining strong boundaries.

Confront Violations Kindly

According to Steinorth-Powell, you might say: “I feel like when I ask you to (insert your boundary here), you don’t seem to understand that it’s important to me because you don’t listen to me. How can we fix this issue together?’”

This conveys that you’re aware they’re crossing your boundary, and you’d like to work with them to improve your relationship, she said. However, if a person regularly disrespects your boundaries, consider limiting contact. The distance might help them realize they need to change their behavior, or it might not, she said. Remember that healthy relationships have boundaries. If someone isn’t willing to respect your limits, consider moving on. You have a responsibility to take care of yourself, Marter said. “Just as we would have to secure our own oxygen mask before assisting others in…an [airplane] emergency, we must take care of ourselves first or we are of little use to others.”