10 Tools for Building Better Relationships

Be (not find) the Right Person

Many of us spend years of our lives searching for the perfect person to build a life with. But we’re often disappointed to find that our prince or princess charming turns out to be imperfect. That was the case for me. I started and ended a series of relationships in search of my perfect princess, only to see them end when the fantasy ended. But over time, I realized that it wasn’t just them, it was me. I was the one who needed to change, and I learned that it’s just as important to be the right person as it is to find the right person. So I suggest that you avoid my mistakes and work on improving yourself, rather than endlessly searching for that perfect other.

With All Faults

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We all enter a new relationship with high expectations. In the initial flurry of love and emotions, we tend to idealize our perfect prince or princess and overlook the flaws that everyone has. And why not? The problem is that no one is perfect, not even the most compatible partner (including you!). And if your initial expectations are unrealistic, over time your partner will inevitably fall short, and you will be disappointed. I believe that the key to a long-lasting relationship is learning to accept your partner “with all faults.” No one is perfect - not you or your partner. And that shouldn’t matter. Accepting that fact early on will enable you to remain strong and happy long after the honeymoon is over.

More Is Not Always Better

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I often refer to relationships as “a journey from me to us,” because sharing your life with another requires surrendering a degree of your independence. But in doing so, it’s also important for each partner to value and protect each other’s individuality and uniqueness. One of the biggest mistakes that couples make is failing to create appropriate boundaries for themselves within a relationship, and they end up smothering each other. Each of you should maintain your own interests, hobbies, and time to yourselves. The space you give each other will help your relationship to breath and grow. You don’t have to be together every moment of every day. Ask any retired couple.

Apologize

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This is the simplest and most effective thing you can do when fighting with your partner. Yet it’s often the most difficult, especially when you’re convinced that you’re right, which is most of the time, if not always. That’s why there is an argument - two people each believe that they are right. Apologizing isn’t easy, even if there’s very little at stake. You have to put aside your pride and be willing to compromise on some points, even when you feel strongly about them. An apology is the quickest and surest way to put a dispute to rest, or to resolve any hard feelings that may have resulted from it. An apology builds trust - and trust is the foundation of all good relationships. So apologize, apologize, apologize. Even if you’re right. And do it quickly, before one or both of you have permanent scars.