Sustainable Tips to Reduce Anxiety, Help for Nervousness, Coping with Life Better, Advice on Living

Balance Your Need for Perfection

The quote, "There is no such thing as failure, only varying degrees of success”, still holds true. But being perfect is a seductive goal. To many of us, perfection is the ultimate guarantee that will somehow provide us with safety and a lifetime of happiness. Perfectionism sets the bar way too high and makes us look at life in "all or nothing terms." We succeed at 100 percent, but we fail at 98 percent. And, in competition, if we finish in second place, we don’t win silver, we lose the gold. Hence, our perfectionism about appearance, career or getting straight A's in school can set up a false standard of living that can exacerbate existing levels of stress.

Stop “People Pleasing”

Making others the keepers of your self-esteem is a guaranteed recipe for chronic worry with no end in sight. We cannot please everyone all the time. In fact, we can’t even do it some of the time. Hence, we hate saying "no." People pleasing -- like perfectionism— is encouraged by positive feedback from the behavior. People pleasing will disempower you because you are allowing your self-worth to be defined by people like your boss, coworkers, spouse, family, friends, etc. Every time you feel good after getting someone's approval of you, you are feeding your anxiety. Continue to do that and it will never end. You will be anxious every day. So, stop doing it!

Deep Breathing vs. Shallow Breathing

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People dealing with anxiety often breathe shallowly, from the chest. This can cause hyperventilation. Controlled breathing from the diaphragm brings more oxygen to the brain, and decreases anxiety. Exercise: Place your hand on your stomach and push your tummy out. Then breathe deeply and watch your tummy and chest rise. As you do it, think of aspects of the breathing, like your lungs expanding with air and, the air passing through your nostrils. Hold it for three seconds, and then exhale through your mouth. Do five rounds of this exercise three times a day to reduce your stress level. Deep breathing is an integral part of stress reduction. It allows the "racing mind" to focus on something other than the stresses of the day.

Thought Replacement

Thought replacement techniques or thought “reframe” exercises have been around for years, and they can be very helpful. When you experience a negative thought that is causing you stress, say "stop.” Write it down and then cultivate an alternative thought. Write the alternative thought down even if you don't believe it will help. Alternative thoughts are simple, more rational thoughts that give you peace. They help you see the larger picture. For example, if you think you will get fired from your job because you were recently late for a very important meeting, stop that thought immediately and replace it with a more rational thought: "I am only human and can't always predict traffic. My self-worth is not dependent on being a perfect employee."

Accept Your Anxiety

Accepting anxiety is a great coping technique also. I don’t mean give up the struggle to reduce anxiety, I mean do not fight that anxiety exists in the moment. Big difference. Cultivating radical acceptance of your symptoms of stress is the first step towards reducing its power over you. Accept that you are scared, and examine the negative thoughts you are having. Is it danger or discomfort? Most of the time, our stress is the "anticipatory" kind which is when we panic about things in the future that have not happened yet or about things that will never happen. Don't assume that just because you are stressed, there must be danger lurking somewhere. Stress skews our thoughts and tricks us into thinking that way.