I am Finding My Voice
I am continuing to practice finding my voice and being vulnerable. I originally started blogging as a way to become accustomed to putting myself out there and being vulnerable. I starting my blog as an outlet that I could express myself on. It makes me feel better when I can honestly express myself and for others to be able to relate to it. However, something I have been struggling with this year has been writing blog posts for myself and not for others. Meaning, if I had a bad day or bad month, I would feel anxious about sharing my feelings incase someone was to judge me for it, or think I wasn't doing well. I have realized, though, that I am human, and far from perfect, and life is full of ups and downs. I will have good days, months, years and bad days, months and years. I will most likely continue to make mistakes -- that is the only way I'll learn. I actually even struggled in finding the courage to post this particular post because I was anxious about what others may think, or assume, or even label me as. I was also nervous that some of my friends might treat me differently. But then I realized that all that really matters is what myself and those I care about think about me. Alcohol was becoming a problem in my life because I was using it to cope with uncomfortable feelings and painful life events, and so here I am now, taking a break from drinking, addressing underlying issues and already feeling some relief. This doesn't mean I am never going to drink again, however for the moment I am choosing not to. I am hoping that as I keep working on myself and moving towards a happier, healthier person, than I'll be able to drink in a moderate, less-destructive way. But for the meantime I am focusing on living a healthier life style.