Whenever I give a talk about manifesting a soulmate, I always start by saying that first and foremost we need to have a strong desire for a loving relationship and admit that we are missing something in ourselves. Giving this advice seems very obvious – even banal – but there are always people in the audience who do not feel comfortable with it. People will say that they do not really ‘need’ a partner and that they are certainly not deficient. Instead, they claim that you can only find a partner if you feel whole and complete inside.
But my experience as a therapist is different. People who are very independent are not very attractive to others. This is simply due to the fact that everybody likes to feel needed. If someone is complete and whole in themselves, there are no needs to be filled - so the other person feels superfluous.
So, first of all we need to give up too much independence and fully own our need for a partner. Then we need to create a feeling of love within us that equals the feeling of love we would like to experience with our future partner. Some people call this ‘creating a vibration of love’. If we can maintain this vibration of love, a relationship will almost automatically manifest in our life after some time. This is the basic dynamic of manifesting all our dreams.
The big question is how we can create such a loving feeling even while we are still alone. The answer is that we start by giving love to ourselves. We need to love ourselves including all our problems and faults just like a mother loves her less-than-perfect child.
Once we can feel this love for ourselves, we start visualising our perfect relationship. But we should not be too forceful with our imagination. Instead, we should try to become aware of the most shadowy feelings of doubt, fear and resistance towards our wish. In my experience, many people are burdened by negative memories of previous relationships and are afraid of being hurt again. And it is these unconscious resentments towards previous partners and also parents that are the main reason why we cannot find love again.
The answer to this problem is love and forgiveness.
The challenge is to send pure altruistic love to the very people who have hurt us in the past. In my experience as a therapist, this works almost like a miracle because once our resentments have been released, the way is open to fall in love again. In other words, as long as our heart is closed we can never find a partner even if we have joined many dating websites and have blind-dates every other day.
If we can put into action all these ingredients – developing a strong wish for finding a relationship, maintaining a vibration of love and eliminating our unconscious resentment – then it will be only a matter of time before we find a truly loving relationship.
